LATEST NEWS…SHARON VS DANNII ROUND TWO: Outspoken former X-Factor judge Sharon Osbourne has launched another scathing attack on her X-Factor co-star, the untalented Minogue sister (no need to elaborate). Mrs Osbourne previously said Dannii was only chosen as a judge because the show's creator Simon Cowell wanted to sleep with her. This time Sharon called Danni "f*cking useless." "She wasn't so much a dim bulb as a bulb in a power cut," Shaz added." You have to hand it to Sharon - she calls a spade a spade….NAOMI STRIKES AGAIN: Our favourite supermodel with anger management issues, Naomi Campbell, allegedly punched out a taxi driver in New York late last month. The driver claims the out-of-control model flew into a rage and began hitting him from the back seat leaving him with a black eye. He alleged that Naomi jumped from the vehicle and ran from the scene after he stopped the car to contact police. Taxi drivers all over New York now have a fear much greater than late-night knife muggings - God help them…WINO BACK WITH EX: Amy Winehouse has reunited with her druggie ex Blake Fielder-Civil. The pair were spotted pashing outside a London restaurant. The couple decided to reconcile their train-wreck relationship after Blake left her for another woman last year. Despite Blake making K-Fed look like the catch of the century, Wino probably hasn't been sober since she met him anyway. Well someone needs to fill Whitney and Bobby's shoes….TIGER'S GOT BALLS: Golf balls that is. Tiger Woods has resumed training and sources close to the family say the disgraced golfer will return to golf at the Tavistock Cup tournament on March 22. Meanwhile there has been no sign of the player's wronged wife Elin, although reports say she visited the man-whore - err sorry, her husband - in sex rehab. He probably should return to work since buying his wife's silence obviously comes at a very high price…LIFE IMITATES ART FOR TV STAR: 'Two and a Half Men' star John Cryer, who plays Charlie's super annoying brother Allen, isn't just hated by his onscreen ex wife. The whiny actor allegedly had a hit taken out on him by his actual ex wife (the aptly named) Sarah Trigger. A US court alleged that Trigger wanted to have the actor bumped off because he no longer agreed pay his $10 000-a-month child support for their two kids. Meanwhile his onscreen brother Charlie Sheen is in rehab after threatening his wife with a pocket knife. On the plus-side, there's enough drama in their lives to inspire a whole new series of 'Men'…UNDERBELLY - ANOTHER CONTROVERSY: It just wouldn't be Underbelly without controversy. The new series 'Underbelly: The Golden Years' about the Kings Cross underworld is again embroiled in controversy as a former Kings Cross police officer depicted in the show sues for defamation. The former officer, Wendy Gaye Hatfield, has demanded that the Supreme Court allow her to preview episodes before they go to air to ensure she has not been defamed. Hatfield believes that the plot suggests she had a sexual relationship with a notorious Kings Cross nightclub owner and was promoted in the NSW police force by providing sexual favours. While it all sounds juicy, Hatfield will try to stop parts of the show that paint her in a bad light from going to air. She probably doesn't realise she can cash in on the controversy just like Roberta Williams….MR HEIDI MONTAG IN HOSPITAL: Mrs plastic fantastic Heidi Montag's less famous other half, Spencer Pratt, was recently hospitalised needing stitches in his tongue. The injury to his tongue occurred in a bizarre incident where he implicated his new pet dog after he bit his own tongue leaving him unable to talk for several days. Unable to accept responsibility for being a clumsy fool, he blamed his poor (more intelligent) Pomeranian for his stupidity. Given the mindless rubbish that comes out of The Hills star's mouth, here's hoping he bites his tongue more often….JOHN HELPS JESS GET GUYS: John Mayer's recent comments about Jessica Simpson's talents as a lover are helping the blonde singer pull men. In an Oprah interview early this month, Jess said her phone had been ringing off the hook since John described her as "sexual napalm" to US Playboy. Meanwhile, no females will touch John Mayer with a ten foot pole after he described his junk as a 'white supremacist' and basically bagged all of his former girlfriends in the highest selling men's magazine in the world. Perhaps John also needs to have a freak accident involving Spencer Pratt's dog?...CHERYL COLE DUMPS HUSBAND: Another day, another sports star cheats on his wife. This time it's British soccer player Ashley Cole who has cheated on UK glamour girl and former Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole. The 26-year-old glamour found Shane Warne-style text messages on her husband's phone and after countless other infidelities on his part, finally decided to leave his ass. Cheryl is busy promoting her solo album '3 Words' which has been given rave reviews, so she probably isn't wasting much time crying over it. For the last time girls, do not date rockers, sports men or actors - unless you are totally against monogamy….
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ME CHEETA: The Autobiography
by Cheeta

The incredible, and moving true story of Cheeta the Chimp, star of countless Hollywood blockbusters, told in his own words.

The greatest Hollywood Tarzan, Johnny Weissmuller, died in 1984. His coffin was lowered into the ground to the recorded sounds of his famous jungle call.

Maureen O'Sullivan, his Jane, died in 1998. Weissmuller's son, who first played Boy in the 1939 film Tarzan Finds a Mate, has gone too.

But Cheeta the Chimp, who starred with them all, is alive and well, retired in Palm Springs. At the incredible age of seventy-six, he is by far the oldest living chimpanzee ever recorded. Now, in his own words, Cheeta (aka Jiggs) finally tells his extraordinary story.

He was just a baby when snatched from the jungle of Liberia in 1932, by the great animal importer Henry Trefflich, who went on to supply NASA with its 'Monkeys for Space' program. That same year, Cheeta appeared in Tarzan the Ape Man, and in 1934 Tarzan and His Mate, in which he famously stole the clothes from a naked O'Sullivan, dripping wet from an underwater swimming scene with Weissmuller. Other Tarzan films followed until Cheeta finally retired from the big screen after the 1967 film Doctor Dolittle with Rex Harrison, whose finger he accidentally bit backstage while being offered a placatory banana.

Cheeta tells it all, a life lived with the stars, a monkey stolen from deepest Africa forced to make a living in the fake jungles of Hollywood. He tells us too of his journey beyond the screen: his struggle with drink and addiction to cigars; his breakthrough with a radical new form of abstract painting, 'Apeism'; his touching relationship with his retired nightclub-performing grandson Jeeta, now a considerable artist in his own right; his fondness for hamburgers and his battle in later life with diabetes; and, through thick and thin, carer Dan Westfall, his loving companion who has helped this magnificent monkey come to terms with his peculiar past.

Funny, moving, searingly honest, Cheeta transports us back to a lost Hollywood. He is a real star, and this the greatest celebrity memoir of recent times.

'Me Cheeta: The Autobiography' is out now.

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