If you have been to a strip show anywhere in NSW, you'll
know that "touch and go" doesn't refer to the climatic scene
in an action movie where the hero comes out alive by the skin of his
teeth. I'm referring to the policy in these establishments that if you
touch the stripper, off you go, you're gone buddy. Out the door by the
scruff of the neck with a size 12 boot print on your arse.
I'm the first to admit that I've seen a few strippers.
In clubs, pubs, birthday parties and bucks nights, public performances
and private. The girls are usually very nice, with beautiful bodies,
lovely faces and they seem to enjoy their work.
And, perhaps strangely, I've also seen a few male strip
shows. It's never been deliberate, just happenstance, but I've never
felt the need to shy away. In fact, it can be quite entertaining when
you're out with female friends to watch them react to male strippers
and it has provided me with some insights.
The first male strip show I saw was many years ago and
I was out with a friend and her girlfriends. I didn't know strippers
were on that night but they all certainly did and got very giggly when
showtime came. I found it fascinating to see all the girls clambering
at the stage, almost climbing over the top of each other to get the
closest.
The men in the audience made an arc from one side of the
stage to the other, never getting within 20 feet of it. It might hurt
their manhood to get too close and they didn't seem all that impressed
that their girlfriends were salivating on the lip of the stage like
they hadn't eaten in a month.
Out comes the first performer and it turns out I know
him. I didn't know he was a stripper, he was just a regular customer
at a retail outlet I worked for at the time. He was performing his routine
and reached out into the crowd. The girls went nuts, all hoping to be
the one brought up on stage to get close to "the hunk" (as
the girls later referred to him).
Me, my manhood safely in check, I was standing right behind
my friend, my hands planted firmly on her arse trying to get her up
on the stage. She suddenly got all embarrassed. I thought it was hilarious.
I've never had a problem with women stripping. I've never
had a problem with men stripping. What I do have a problem with is the
inequity between the two.
The women are all over the male strippers, touching them,
groping them and rubbing themselves against the guy's legs like they're
in heat. The men at a female strip show are reserved, quiet, sublime
even.
And the reason? The 'touch and go' policy. If you ask
Jamie Durie about his shows with the all male revue, Manpower, he'll
tell you how the women used to drag them off the stage and claw the
living daylights out of them. The guys would have to put makeup on their
chests and arms to hide all the scratch marks from the women at the
previous night's show.
'Touch and go' has guys scared. They practically sit on
their hands while a lady performs her routine. It's shameful to see
so many men essentially beaten into submission and while being entertained,
are barely able to break into a smile when the lady comes near them,
for fear the management might kick their arse out on the street.
If you go to any sort of show, you quickly learn that
the audience is just as important as the performer. The audience, by
being enthusiastic, making some noise and having a good time, makes
the show more entertaining. If the crowd is sitting around like a limp
fish, it gets boring very quickly.
Now, I'm not saying that men should go wild and start
pawing the women whenever they get the chance. I firmly believe that
men should show women the utmost respect and without permission, you
should never touch a performer. But when a stripper decides to make
you part of her show, you should be allowed to join in. I've seen guys
shy away so much that the stripper has apologised to them and ended
up feeling embarrassed at trying to put on a good show.
New South Wales has some of the strictest laws in the
country. While 'touch and go' is promoted in Victoria, it's not an offence.
In Queensland, it's almost anything goes. Sydney-siders are some of
the most liberal people in Australia (take Mardi Gras for example),
yet we have the toughest laws on adult entertainment.
NSW Licensing laws prohibit "indecency" on licensed
premises. The definition of "indecency" is so generic that
it means a stripper cannot remove clothing beyond a g-string. The clubs
and pubs are so fearful of losing their licences that they are extremely
strict on both this and the 'touch and go' rulings.
During September, the Miss Nude 2005 pageant is being
held at Panther's (www.panthersworld.com.au). There will be a bevy of
beautiful women skilfully strutting their stuff and I was looking forward
to getting some mates together, going to see these lovely ladies perform
and having a great night out.
But then I thought about the NSW laws and that this nude
pageant won't actually be nude. There will be no full striptease - there
will be very little tease indeed. The grand prize is denied. I've not
even told my mates that the pageant is on.
You can view just as many lovely ladies, stripped down
to their g-strings and strutting their stuff by going to Sydney's iconic
Bondi Beach. If you'd like the full view, there are plenty of full nudity
beaches around Sydney.
I must admit that I don't have a female stripper's viewpoint
on this, and quite frankly, I would like one. Maybe they much prefer
the way things are, that it is mandated that no-one can touch them.
Maybe it makes their working conditions that much better. But it does
seem very sad to me that they have to work so much harder at putting
on a good show for the punters, when the punters are actually too scared
to enjoy themselves.
I wouldn't like to think that each man is being turned
into a mouse, but men are being wimps. They're being pushed around and
it's gone on way too long. The politicians and bureaucrats are running
our lives. Political correctness has gone mad.
Yes, there should be equality, but to have equality it
must extend to all aspects of our lives. You can't have a 'touch and
go' policy for men and not for woman. It isn't fair, and it certainly
isn't equal.
Have respect for women, absolutely, but as adults we should
still be allowed to have some mutual adult fun. The sad thing is that
the government would rather legislate to enforce 'touch and go' on women
too, rather than relax the laws and trust adults to behave as adults.
Antony Healey - antony.healey@gmail.com
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